I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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