Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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