Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
