his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
