Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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