Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
