I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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