I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
