you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
