I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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