I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
farters have to be the big spoon...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
