The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
