Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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