She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
