thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
