here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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