Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
