all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
