I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
