He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
