and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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