My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
