I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
