And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
