you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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