i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
