I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
