All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
