Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
