im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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