Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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