Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
