I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
