Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
