So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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