he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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