I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
