Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
