someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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