Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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