Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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