I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
