An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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