Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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