If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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