i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
