I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
