Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
