u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
