Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
