I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
