burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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